Saturday, October 4, 2014

Nothing but Mammals

Today I went to the zoo with one of my friends. The event was "date party" but not everyone brings actual dates. 
We weren't signed up for a group, so we joined one with my lovely friend Chris (male) in it. 
Chris and I have a long horrible history of hating each other and acting awful. Currently we're something like friends with benefits, and we have an agreement where he does nothing with girls unless I ok it and I do nothing with guys unless he oks it. 
At the zoo, his friend who invited him was pretty flirty. I didn't care until I noticed that HE was the one initiating everything, including holding her hand (interlocking fingers, guys) and walking with arms around each other. 
In my book, that's making a move, and I was mad about that for a couple reasons. 
1. I did not say it was ok, and he was doing it RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
2. He used to do that to me when we were dating. This either means that he wants to date this girl, or that what he did with me didn't mean anything. The latter makes me feel worse.

I feel betrayed. I just want to cry and lie in my bed and not talk to him.  

Tuesday, September 23, 2014


Here's my social work plug of the week:
go to and play for a bit. 
The website donates ten grains of rice for every correct answer, which goes towards feeding starving people somewhere in the world.
The way it works is that the advertisements generate revenue somehow, so you are actually helping by clicking on answers to vocabulary questions. 

Monday, September 22, 2014

Goals of the Week

My goal last week was to exercise every day except Wednesday and Friday. 
And guess what, I did it! All of it, not just most days. 
I'm going to keep that goal, and add on to it not to eat unless I'm hungry. I'm hoping I'll be able to do the last part every day, but if I do it 4/7 days of the week that's fine with me. 

What are your goals? 
How'd you do on last week's?

Here's a fun little song I discovered this week:

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Media and Eating Disorders

Recently I gave a presentation about a media article I found online about Eating Disorders. The presentation was supposed to be short and sweet, so I didn't go into too much detail. One of my slides talked about recommendations for social workers, and I put "refocus society" as my top bullet point. In my speech I explained this as having the media focus less on the slimming down of bodies. 
Boy was I reamed out for that. I'm sure I wasn't actually reamed out, it just felt that way because I was on the spot. But my classmates launched into this whole discussion about how eating disorders are not caused by the media, and I went back to my seat embarrassed. 

Personally, I do not think the media cause eating disorders (majority of the time). I also don't think parents cause eating disorders (majority of the time). However, I do think that the media influences eating disorders. 
For example, there was a study done in a remote country that had no access to television. When TV was introduced, girls started wanting to become thinner. 
Clearly, television's portrayal of what is sexy influences girls to have a "get thinner" mindset. This can feed into low self esteem which in turn feeds into eating disorder behaviors. 
I also think a lot of times EDs start out as diets. Girls see people in magazines and television and look at people around them, and they want to lose weight so they eat less. And then somewhere soon along the way the eating disorder rears its head and takes over. 
One of my classmates talked about how most people with eating disorders he knows have them as a way to keep control of their lives. Yeah, of course. Eating disorders aren't about food or weight issues at the core, but those things surround them. If everyone on TV was obese and that was portrayed as sexy I bet we'd have a lot more cases of binge eating disorder. Because eating disorders are a lot of times about keeping control, but you want to control your body to perfection, and skinny is what perfection is right now. 
Even if the eating disorder isn't about perfection the media has a hand in its development. For example, a lot of times I binge because I'm emotional. Anxious, nervous, angry. If I didn't believe that skinny was good and fat was bad, I would probably be less likely to purge. I would also be less likely to get emotional over the fact that I'm becoming fat, leading to less bingeing. 
Why is skinny good and fat bad? Because everything tells me so. 

An example of how media can shape our beliefs about body types:
When I was younger, before I talked to any boys, I believed that the skinnier you were the more attractive you were. No matter what. I don't know why exactly, but I didn't have models of guys liking girls except for movies and TV shows I watched. 
When started dating and found out that guys actually don't like super-skinny girls more than normal-sized girls, it was a revelation to me.

I feel like I'm still talking out of my ass, but at least I got a better chance to defend myself against my own stupidity. 
What do you think?

Monday, September 15, 2014

Goals of the Week 6

Last week my goal was to not eat in my room. 
I mostly did that. And there was definitely less stuffing of my face going on because of it. 
However, I did have a few bad days. 
For instance, on Friday, I ate dinner, then I ate dinner again at Hillel, and then I ate again when I drank after dancing. Of course, purging in between. 
My suitemate gave me such a look on Saturday morning when she discovered that all four of my friends had slept over (in my bed too, since it's pretty big. Such a weird experience). 
This week my goal will be to exercise every day according to my goal. Not Wednesday or Friday since I have field education, but I'm alternating between weights and running for 30 minutes. Today is weights, and I didn't do it this morning because I was lazy. There are still 6 hours left in the day though. 
What are your goals?

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Grad School vs Undergrad

This year is my first year of grad school! Yaaay! 
And I've noticed several differences in the way I think and the way I live that I think would be useful to someone considering grad school.
I'm going to get my master's in social work, by the way. 

1. Grad school classes are all papers. In undergrad it was mostly rote learning, here you have to discuss discuss discuss
2. classes are 2-3 hours long. And once a week
3. You can't live on campus. You're on your own. 
4. Experience is a must. Meaning they make sure you get experience. It's just as important as the class work, which is way different than undergrad thinking. 
5. Every class is what you'll face in life. 
6. You get to go around knowing you're in grad school and feeling self-important.
7. Readings will kill you. You will drown in readings. No more life for you.

What are your experiences with school? 

Also, responding to a comment on a recent post: Yes, anyone can use anything from this blog! It's public, and I'm anonymous, so I don't care who sees it or if you steal something from it. The point of this blog is to help myself and be a resource if anything I learn helps anyone else. 

Another comment: #7 on my list is very true. Thus, I'm way behind on reading people's blogs and I might be behind for a while. I'll do it when I can but school comes first. 

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Goals of the Week 5

So last week I achieved my goal about 4 days of the week. I had one horrible horrible day where I threw up about 7 times and bought about 20 dollars worth of food. I don't even know why. But that day is over and I'm working on recovery. 
This week my goal will be to not eat in my room. I have a feeling that will cut my eating by a lot...
Also, apparently more threesomes/foursomes are happening. It's very distracting. I should be writing papers, not thinking about places to have kinky sex. 

What are your goals for the week? How did you do on last week's goal